引言：本文来自一名自闭症患者的个人博客，作者从个人的角度出发，讨论了自闭症患者在社交中自身所面临的问题，以及自己克服这些问题的办法。

The Crutches of Socializing & How to OvercomeThem

WEDNESDAY,JUNE 13, 2012 AT 9:50PM

2012年7月13日 周三 下午9:50

Many people on the autism spectrum have a hugedesire to connect with and interact with people, but at the same time we alsohave intense fears that prohibit us from making these connections. Today, I amgoing to talk about what I feel are some social obstacles that us individualson the autism spectrum face and how to overcome those obstacles.

许多自闭症患者都渴望同别人联系与互动，但同时又面临着强烈的恐惧。我今天就从我自己的角度谈谈自闭症患者会面临什么样的社交障碍，以及如何克服这些障碍。

First thing is first, there are many reasons whysocializing can be a challenge to us. Sometimes, we just don't have the properknowledge of how to socialize with other people. What seems obvious to everyoneelse and common sense is often something that makes no sense at all to us.Often times, at least in my experiences, we don't even know that we are doingsomething socially wrong until years later. In these sorts of cases, the bestwe can do is to continue to educate ourselves on socializing by reading upbooks on body language, making friends, dating, and books on social skills.With time, we can cultivate an awareness and develop new social skills, buteven though lack of social knowledge is a major crux, it is not the only crux,and in my opinion there are more severe challenges that affect us socially.

首先，社交活动之所以会让我们感到困难是多种原因引起的。有时候我们只是不知道应当如何和别人交往。我们对一些在其他人看来显而易见或视之常识的东西一无所知。至少在我的经验里，有时候我们要花好几年才发觉自己过去在与人交往时采取了错误的方式。针对这些情况的，我们能做到的就是不断通过阅读肢体语言、结交朋友、约会、社交能力方面的书籍来进行学习。长此以往我们就能建立起一种意识，培养新的社交能力。尽管缺乏社交方面的知识是自闭症患者社交障碍的主要症结，但问题却不止于此，我认为影响我们社交生活的还有许多其他更严重的障碍。

Ultimately, I feel that our biggest challengecomes from within. I know from my own experiences that I felt unworthy tosocialize with other people. I was afraid of infringing on them and theirspace. I felt that they did not want me to say hi to them and strike aconversation. I saw them as better than me. For me, my observations have beenthrough my own life and witnessing other people on the spectrum try andsocialize, what I have I discovered is that a lack of confidence is often ourbiggest barrier to achieving success. I feel that this lack of confidence oftenresults in intense social anxiety and also a fear of rejection.

追本溯源，我认为最大的挑战来自我们自身。从我自己来看，我过去就觉得没有必要和别人来往。我害怕会冒犯他们、侵扰他们的空间。我认为他们不希望我跟他们打招呼、谈话。我觉得他们比我好多了。从我自己的经验和对其他努力与人交往的自闭症患者观察中，我发现缺乏自信往往是阻碍我们成功的最大障碍。这种不自信常会引起严重的社交恐惧症，也会使人害怕遭遇拒绝。

The ultimate goal then should be to conquer ourlack of confidence and fear of rejection. Yes, the social anxiety won't go awayover night. Yes, what I am asking us to do is a great challenge, but more thananything, it is our lack of confidence that holds us back and not lack ofsocial skills (please note that I am aiming this message with the idea that youare moderately affected by autism or have Asperger's and that autism does notaffect you severely). And, yes, I am very well aware that we can also improveour social skills.

因此，我们的最终目标就应该是克服我们的不自信与恐惧心理。是的，社交恐惧不会一夜之间消失。我在这里呼吁大家面对的确实是个巨大的挑战，但是真正让我们退却的是对自己缺乏信心，而不是欠缺社交能力（请注意我的观点针对的情况是患有轻度自闭症或艾斯伯格综合症的患者，在自闭症没有严重影响他们的生活的前提下）。是的，我也强烈地意识到我们必须提高社交能力。

Then, how do we overcome our lack of confidenceif we are not good at socializing? How do we not worry about what other peoplewill think of us that we want to be our friend, or if we are interested in thatperson romantically? Well, the answer is simple, you need to push yourselfoutside the comfort zone and believe in yourself. There are many ways to dothese two things.

那么，既然我们已经不善于社交了，我们又应当如何克服不自信呢？当我们想和别人交朋友，或是喜欢上某个人时，我们应当放下心里包袱，不去担心别人会怎么看我们？答案其实很简单。你必须走出自己的舒适地带，建立起自信。要达到这两个目标，我们可以采取许多不同的方法。

First, you can visual yourself successfullycommunicating with other people. Initially, when I set my goal of someday beinga good communicator and being able to interact with people and making friends,what I did is that I imagined myself successfully engaging people withconversations. I continued these visualisations for months until I felt I hadachieved some level of mastery in actual communication with other people. Inaddition, after every conversation I had, I would make mental notes of whatwent right and also I would note what areas I could improve on and continued tostrive for excellence.

首先，你可以想象自己毫无障碍地与别人进行交流。在我一定下目标，有一天要成为一个好的沟通者，并能随心所欲地与别人互动、成为朋友之后，我就开始想象我自己成功地同别人交流的情境。接下来的几个月，我不断地进行这样的情境想象，直到我觉得自己掌握了一定的实际沟通能力。另外，每一次对话想象后我都会记下自己做对了什么，并注意那些我需要进一步改进、努力做得更好的地方。

Now, don't get me wrong, I had some additionalhelp along the way. For instance, I had asked some of my friends to work on mysocial skills. I had them critique me and also engage in various scenarios. Onefriend was exceptionally good at this and she helped me with small talk and eyecontact and being aware of how I came across topeople I was meeting for the first time. So, if possible, ask a family memberor good friend to help you with your social skills and critique you. I know howscary this can be. You really have to put yourself out there and initially youwill feel embarrassed. At least, I did. But, think about the reward that willcome is being able to talk other people with confidence and make friends andeven find a romantic partner, if that is what you are looking for. If you neverwork on yourself, then you will never realize your goals and you will staystuck where you are right now for the rest of your life. So, ultimately, youhave no choice. You have to put yourself outside your comfort zone!

但先别误解，在这个过程中我还得到了其他人的帮助。举个例子，我请了一些朋友来帮我提高我的社交能力。他们对我的表现进行评论，并参与到不同的场景之中。一位朋友对此尤其擅长，她陪我练习一些短小的对话和目光交流，帮助我了解自己在初次与人见面时的反应。所以有条件的话，可以请家人或是朋友帮助你练习社交能力并对你进行评价。我知道这很吓人。你必须展现自己，最开始的时候会感到很难为情。至少我最开始的时候感到很难为情。但是想一想这种付出的回报是你将会自信地同别人交谈、交朋友，假如你正想找一个伴侣，甚至还能让你找到一个男朋友或是女朋友。假如你不努力，你永远都不可能实现你的目标，接下来的一辈子你也都会像现在这样滞足不前。所以，其实你没有别的选择。你必须跨出自己舒适地带。

Okay, with that said, really the key is tocontinue to push yourself outside the comfort zone, but there are some otherthings that you can do along the way. For instance, try joining a speech clublike Toastmasters. From there, you will learn how to speak in front of otherpeople and this might alleviate some social anxiety. If you keep at it, youwill find it becomes easier to talk to people. Also, what really worked for mewas taking up social dancing. I recommend that you try something like Salsa orBallroom. When I first tried to dance I was so embarrassed with myself. I feltlike I failure, but I kept at it, and you know what, I got good at dancing, andfrom there I learned to better perceive nonverbal communication, and I also gotmore confident going up to girls. Now, when I go up to a girl that I'minterested in getting to know, I just pretend that I am going up to her to askfor a dance. Now, I used to be afraid to ask a girl to dance, but that is nowsuper easy and now because that is easy, it is a bit easier for me to approacha woman. Although, I will admit that I still get scared at times.

好的，正如刚刚所说的，解决问题的关键在于不断的督促自己走出舒适地带，同时你还可以做一些别的事情，比如参加Toastmasters这样的组织。在那里你能学会如何在别人面前演讲，这会缓解一些社交焦虑情绪。如果能坚持这么做，你会发现自己在和别人交谈的时候变得更加轻松了。另外，学习交际舞也让我受益匪浅。我推荐你们尝试像萨尔萨或舞厅舞一类的活动。我刚开始跳舞的时候很害羞。我觉得自己是个失败者，但是我一直坚持练习，你们知道吗，我居然变得擅长跳舞。从中我学会了更好地进行非语言交流，向女孩子们邀舞的时候也变得更自信。过去我很害怕请女孩子跳舞，而现在我觉得这是一件超级简单的事情，因为它本来就很容易，至少现在让我接近一位女士我觉得容易多了。虽然我承认有时候我还是会害怕。

Now, don't get me wrong. None of this came easyfor me and chances are this won't come easy for you, but you have to stick withit and push yourself outside your comfort zone and continue to push yourselfoutside your comfort zone. Like I said, I was embarrassed at how much I suckedat dancing. If you go to Toastmaters, you might be embarrassed at yourpresenting abilities, but with them you will get better and your confidencewill soar. In addition, you can try other things aside from dancing andtoastmasters--The key is to try and find social events/functions/activitiesthat are a little outside your comfort zone. If you make an effort to pushyourself and refuse to give up then success is inevitable.

但是还是别误解我的意思。所有这些对我来说都不容易，我想对你们也是如此。但是你必须坚持，并不断地逼自己走出舒适地带。正如我说的，我对自己糟糕的舞技也曾感到很难为情。在Toastmasters你也会为自己欠佳的陈述能力感到难为情。但这些训练会让你变得更好，然后你才会越来越有信心。你也可以尝试Toastmaster和舞蹈意外的东西——关键是你要去尝试并寻找能让自己走出舒适地带的活动。只要你将不断努力，敦促自己，不轻易放弃，就一定会成功。

That is all I have to say for today. This is alengthy topic, and I just touched the surface. So, who knows, I might go morein-depth at a later time. With that said, I thank you for reading today's blogentry, and I wish all of you a most awesome day of awesomeness!

今天就说到这里。这是一个很大的话题，而我所说的仅仅表面的一些东西。可能的话，以后我会对此再进一步地进行探讨。谢谢你们阅读今天的日志，祝你们拥有美妙的一天！